i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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