He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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