that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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