I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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