she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
