I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
