saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
