He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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