Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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