Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
