i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
