Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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