he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
