some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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