Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
