hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
