i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
