I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
