we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
