So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
