You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
