so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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