I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
