dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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