did you get engaged???
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
