with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
