Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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