and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
