Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
