Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You need Xanax blowdarts
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
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