shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
