I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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