I just saw a hot homeless man
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
