omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
