I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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