"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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