So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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