I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
