I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
