dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it hurts more in the daytime
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
