if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
