how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
