Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
