one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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