brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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