i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's never too late to be topless.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
