I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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