i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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