hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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