just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
