I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
