Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
