she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
the raccoons are back...
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