My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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