you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
