i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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