oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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