You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
