I showed him my bush... on skype.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
