Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There r osticjed everywhere
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
