HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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