Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
