The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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