I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
