Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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