my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
