what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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