he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
