I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
